Hi, it's Adam here.
For over two decades, I've tried most of the coaching programs around anxiety online... and for good reason.
The truth is (as a former Fortune 500 exec at Disney, Paramount, and Warner Media, to name a few) I was living with debilitating anxiety...
And I’ve been through it all...
The high-paying and high-status jobs, the daily pressure, the long hours, the houses, the cars, the family, the lifestyle... all of it.
I built a life by achieving goals and getting everything I thought I wanted, yet I was still getting crushed by anxiety daily.
Why was this happening to me?
After all, I was successful... So, where was the feeling of purpose, connection, and fun?
Where was the freedom?!!
I thought I checked all the boxes to feel happy and build a fulfilling life.
But it just wasn't even close to how I was feeling...
Plus, I was constantly distracted… and deathly afraid of how other people were viewing me.
(This is known as cognitive distortion... which is a collection of limiting thoughts that make us even more anxious).
I had to psych myself up (like I was going into battle) just meeting clients for the first time.
But that was MY secret… and no one else could ever find out.
I put a TON of pressure on myself to make sure business dinners and client events were running perfectly.
I NEEDED everyone to be having a great time, be impressed, and like me.
And if I sensed that they didn't think I was the best at my craft, my brain would start replaying the scene like a broken record for weeks…
"What could I have done better...What do I need to change about myself to make them like me?"
I was "on stage" at every moment of my life. I was so uncomfortable that I was squirming in my own skin.
I hid my discomfort so well people just saw me as “the mask” I wanted them to see…
But that fake mask was NOT even close to the real me.
Also, working as a senior sales exec at a Fortune 500 with a $35 Million sales goal on my head, and a busy client entertainment schedule was a heck of a career choice with my anxiety running the show...
It was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting.
I was living in a state of hypervigilance. That's when you’re SO alert to potential threats all the time that you start to make yourself miserable.
(Maybe that would have been helpful if I was living as an "early human" with predators all around me... and real physical danger... but this was just TOO MUCH.)
Plus, on the weekends (when I finally had downtime), all I wanted to do was stay inside and start distracting myself with mindless entertainment, emotional eating, alcohol, and drugs to help quiet the noise in my head.
(I now know that these were just avoidance behaviors -- which are actions we take to avoid uncomfortable thoughts or feelings).
Just imagine… a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon in Cali, and I’m sitting in the dark, covering myself in a blanket, watching The Big Lebowski for the 17th time…
High, buzzed, and scarfing down a massive plate of nachos (hold the sour cream).
It's no surprise that my family and my health suffered a TON... but I thought this was just the way life was for me.
AND THINGS WERE ABOUT TO GET MUCH WORSE…
Over time, my anxiety left me out of options. And escaping seemed like the only way to deal with it…
And my methods became more aggressive and dangerous as time went on. Something I now regret…
I went deeper into alcohol abuse, cocaine, constant busy work, and infidelity (just to name a few)...
(I'm not proud of any of it... and it's hard to admit in such a public way... but I want to be REAL with you.)
Anything to help with quieting the noise and having a feeling of freedom, even if just for a moment. But…
That free feeling just never came.
The anxiety was leading me down a rabbit hole of self-destruction. I call it "the wrecking ball."
I nearly lost everything.
I was fired from my half-million-dollar Fortune 500 executive job…
My wife said she was taking our daughter and was leaving me for good…
And I came close to ending my life three times (that I can remember, at least).
I don’t wish this kind of pain on anyone.